My Story, Your Story // The Power Switch

Hello all.

It's that day of the week again.

I realize that over the past couple of posts I have just kind of rambled on about things, and it doesn't really seem to fit with the project. I'm not really sorry for that, because as much as I would like this to be meaningful to all of you, it's more for me than anything else. However, I push you not to read that this project is about me, it's FOR me. I draw a very distinct difference between the two, which was really just a random thought that just occurred to me. So, let's explore that for a minute.

If I were to say that this project is about me, it become an isolated incident. It becomes self-centered and can be easily disregarded by all of you. It would imply that any glory that comes from my putting words on this screen is for me alone. It's mine. Look at how great I am compared to all of the other people doing the same thing. This is not what it this is about.

Instead, I said that this is for me. It is a tool for me to explore, examine. It is a part of a process that allows me to hone my skills as a writer but also allows me to communicate a little better with the people who mean something to me. My self-image isn't very high as it is, and yet to think that there is any glory coming to me from this process is ludicrous. There are a lot of things going on throughout any given day, and writing about the week allows me to clear my head and refocus my energy into the things that need to be taken care of. It's for me, not about me.

If it's for me, who can be against me? If it's for me, is it for you too? Absolutely. I was raised in a spiritual community where you are always pointing towards something bigger, something other, something outside. Regardless of the shady operations and theology that I was raised among, it was always about the other. I do this for me, but I do this for you too. The intent of the project may not always be realized, but overall it is about the spiritual direction, formation and evolution of a man who has married a pastor. That's what it's about: spiritual direction, spiritual formation and spiritual evolution. There is no telling where this story is going to end, so we might as well just buckle up and see where the ride takes us.

The journey.

The means.

The way.

The end(s).

The question then becomes, what are we doing here? To be honest, I don't know. I'm just glad there seems to be a small following for these posts. There was an anomaly one week, where there were 99 views, but I'll take what I can get each and every week. My goal is to get into a rhythm, to find things that can be strung together each week so that it isn't just a lot of random posts about things that happen to be on my mind. However, I always start out a writing project with a clear destination in mind, and I always fall short a few steps into the process--except once.

There have been two writing projects that I successfully completed in a way that was mirrored by initial intent. So, needless to say my track record sucks. I am surprised that I have been as regular as I have thus far, so maybe the tides are turning in my favor. It isn't likely and I probably just jinxed myself on that one, so we shall see. Once again, I thank all of you who continue to read these things and my hope is that it is meaningful to you on some level.

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Action steps are also important in keeping things moving toward the end(s). A lot of our issue the current age is that we see where we want to end up, but have no idea how to get there. We get lost in the process of planning, evaluating and implementing. This has been the story of most of my spiritual life. I have alluded to a lot of different areas of interest and work that I have done in the past, but lately I've been feeling really aloof as to where I am supposed to be going, what I'm supposed to be doing.

I've only missed one Sunday since my wife has taken the pulpit at her church. I've been writing this blog for a while now. However, I've started to wonder what comes next, what more should I be doing? There haven't been any revelations, no real conversations, no real work done. However, I want to. I want to be taking an active role in discerning what it is I'm supposed to be doing. I want to be leading a meaningful existence again, because I've been feeling really lost over the last couple of weeks.

Aloof.

Floating.

Drifting.

Lost.

That's me. That's how I operate. A constant state of disconnect and dissatisfaction. However, I want that to stop. It's time for me to settle into a groove that will lead to my full potential. My full potential... but where? How? When? Whom? Why?

I had a supervisor once that accused me of being scared, of running away from a call toward ministry. Were they right? Did I run? Am I being pulled back into that world? Can you ever truly run away? Have I just been on a 5 year detour? I have no idea, but what's where this journey is talking me right now. Here are some of the action steps to be taken, have been taken, have been considered:

1. Request information from seminaries about programs, again. (Done.)
2. Seek out a spiritual director in order to gain insight and resources. (In progress)
3. Find a small group ministry to become a part of. Men or otherwise.
4. Assist my wife in creating and cultivating a young adult ministry at her church.
5. Reading a lot, and finding spiritual connections in them randomly.
6. Writing a weekly devotion based on the gospel reading.

For now, those are the things on my mind and things that I've been trying to take an active part in. I realize that it isn't much, but just writing these things down for you to see allows me a little bit of accountability. Somebody saw it, somebody will see it, and maybe somebody will check in with me on it. I would love to hear from whomever reads these words, and I realize that I haven't really provided any contact information for that to be an easy avenue. So, at the bottom of this you will find a few ways to reach out to me. One is better than the other, but I can be wherever you are in order to help out and be a part of the community that I long for.

One last thing. In 2 weeks, on October 23, 2016, my wife and I will have been married for 9 months, which is WAY closer to a year than not a year. I think it is safe to say that this past 8 months and 2 weeks have been some of the most trying times of our lives, both individually and collectively. I just want to giver her some mad props for putting up with me and all of the crazy that has been our live together. It's never an easy thing to deal with me, let alone when you choose to, voluntarily, hang out forever with me. Much love to my wife!

Just had to say that, now for the closing.

I love you all. I wish the best for each and every one of you. I want to support you in your endeavors. Let me know how I can do that, please! I don't tweet, but I have a twitter account. I'm on Facebook all the time. I'm sure one of those avenues is available to you. So, reach out. Here is my information for both of these platforms, but feel free to comment on this post too, and I will comment back and we can exchange ideas there as well! Don't be shy, you can't really get bitten over the internet!

Facebook: @gbullministries
Twitter: @GBullRevolution

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Sincerely,
A Pastor's Husband