Bring Them In // Push Them Out

Welcome to Mid-October.

The leaves are turning colors and falling off the trees. The temperature doesn't know if it wants to remain summer or transition to fall. Life right now is all about transitions. We are moving toward the dreaded holiday season, the long winter, the cold weather. You name it there are all kinds of reasons to dislike the change of seasons, but I hear some people enjoy the dampening of seasonal allergies, which are really brutal during the spring and summer. So, if you're one of those people, congrats tis the season of transition. However, there is also the dreaded flu virus that always seems to be on peoples' minds--better get that flu shot... but what happened to Zika? Is that still a thing? I don't know. Anyways, I just thought I would do some free write to introduce this piece, because it's been a while and you never quite know what might come out when you let your fingers glide over the keys and push them according to their will.

Hello there, again. Sorry about that weird introduction, but it is kind of poignant to what's been happening lately--transitions. We are always moving in our lives, either from place to place in our car, walking around the house, or be it life events that take us from path to path of existence, or non-existence as the case may be. We are always changing, growing, becoming something else.

I am no different. I have started taking seriously the need to discern the calling that God has on my life. No thanks to my wife, might I add. If you will recall from a few posts ago, I blame her for stirring up my longing to be more intentional in the type of ministry that I am doing in the world. It isn't really her fault, but watching her and listening do ministry has started that stirring--so really it's her fault!

Nonetheless, as a part of this process I have reached out to some people to get more involved with the churches around here and whatnot. I have started doing weekly reflections/devotions based on the gospel reading for the week. I have even started requesting information and conversations with seminary representatives. It's real this time folks, or at least it's getting real.

I want to belong.
I want to minister to people.
I want to talk to people about faith matters.
I want to be a leader of people.

It's very hard for me to make such claims, especially when there are so many models that present ways to go about doing these things. Some churches are planting machines, meaning they bring people in, train them, and push them out to create new churches with the discipleship model. Some churches are humongous and worship over 1,000 people a weekend. Some are barely hanging on for the life of the congregation. So, where do I fit? Where would I belong? Where could I lead the people of a community. That has been on my mind a lot in the past few days.

My wife just completed her program, and went through the process. Since we are so close to the school that she went to, it would be easy enough for me to go to the same school. However, I'm not her. We don't do things the same way, and I don't want to feel like I am following in her footsteps. Especially since I have been having this same conversation with myself for the past 10 years or more. I am not on the same path she is, even though we may end up being colleagues in ministry some day--even more so than we are now.

I also don't really want to deal with the politics of joining her church system and having to go through their hoop jumping procedure. However, at the same time having a network of built-in support makes things a little easier in terms of finding and securing jobs as well as having support systems at the ready. I have been around for church plantings, and it is a lot of work and they don't always work out. Now, I'm not saying that I am afraid of hard work, the DIY mentality is strong within me, but I do fear failure and like to belong to "clubs" as much as I seem stand-offish and mean (some of you know what I'm talking about). So, really there are more questions now that there have been in the past, mostly because I'm in a different position than I was before.

I'm married.
I have adult bills to pay.
I am pressured to think about the idea of having children one day.
I'm not getting any younger.
I haven't really started my career as a teacher--shouldn't I do that first?
My wife is in her first call, which generally lasts 3-5 years.
I cannot relocate to a school for a residential program, yet.
I don't like the idea of learning how to be a pastor, or church leader of any sort, via an online program.

So, you see, there are a lot of things that need to be figured out in this time of discernment. It doesn't help that my wife tells me that she'll support me in whatever it is I decide needs to happen--except probably up and relocate to a new city in the next year. It's like there are too many options and not even time to explore them all. That's why I have begun to feel stuck and scared. It's almost like there are too many doors and they all lead to the right place, it's just impossible to pick one. I will find success in whatever it is that I figure out, I just feel paralyzed in picking a direction.

Time will tell, and hopefully you'll be along for the ride. If not, that's okay too.

Bring them in.
Push them out.
Bring them in.
Push them out.

Weird, right? There's a story there, but that's for a different blog!

I was going to talk about other things, but again, when you let your fingers dance on the keyboard you can never really be sure what might come out. So, there you have it. Another glimpse into the life of the Pastor's Husband. Please, take care and let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

Sincerely,
A Pastor's Husband