At The Core // New Adventures Begin

Hello.

Are you there?

I'm back.

Did you miss me?

I didn't post anything last week, and I was late the week before, but what are you going to do? Life happens, and sometimes we need some time to sit, think, and figure out what comes next. That's what's been going on lately. Some sitting, some thinking, some figuring, and new adventures. I didn't want you to think that I've forgotten about you, so I decided I was going to right this ship and write something meaningful and purposeful for you all this week(end). It might be a little longer, but it could be short. At the end will also be an update on how things are progressing (or whatever) for the two of us on our collective journey. So, without further ado, here comes something...

For starters, the last post I put up here got a lot of reactions, mostly good. The readers of that post were both concerned and interested in my thoughts pertaining to the area of spousal support/communication in valued circles--or whatever you want to call it. There was also some concern about me fitting into the community, and some praise for my writing and a longing for me to continue doing so. With all of that going on, it became hard for me to concentrate at the task at hand, which is just writing things down for the sake of people to read it and for me to get it out into the universe. So, that's why I took a week off. I was going to write something last week, but it just got away from me in the great swirl of life. however I was posed with a question to reflect on, which has served to refocus this, and make me think about what I'm trying to do.

If you you haven't read it, it's okay, but in a few posts ago I present the struggle of staying true to the this project: documenting the journey/life of a pastor's husband, but still being true to myself and allowing myself to live my life as an individual as well. It was this struggle that became the focus of my thoughts over the past week, and for that I thank my friend who messaged me on the Facebook. Here's what they said to me (re-posted with permission from the messenger):

I read your blog and have a question for you. Is your frustration with not being a part or having people give you the time you think you deserve a facet of being a pastor's husband or is it just the most recent manifestation of a reoccurring feeling? Interested to hear your thoughts.

 To this I had to take a few days to really think about it in order to reply to them in a way that I felt was thoughtful and true to the relationship that I have with the person who posed the question. This has been on my mind for the days following the delivery of the message, even after I responded adequately enough for them not to respond back. (Way to go me!)

Nonetheless, in response to this question I had to take a step back and look at what I was doing with my life and this project. So, here's what I came up with:

1. Yes.
2. It's both.
3. This problem is not unique to being a pastor's spouse of either gender.
4. Is this project about being a pastor's husband or is deeper than that?
5. Yes.

In summation, I feel as if this is a good question to ask myself, because there have been several times throughout my life where community has been an issue, and it's only recently that I have been journeying towards being a pastor's husband. So, these frustrations that I have presented with not belonging are not new--they're old as dirt.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you should read the previous post "A little bit of me..." This will clear up any confusion that you may have right now. However, if this is the case it isn't my fault that you haven't been tracking along, and you should probably just start from the beginning.

Nonetheless, I also concluded that this is not a unique situation for a pastor's spouse (of any gender). It can, in fact, be generalized to anybody who is connected to a person in a field/occupation. There will always be circles for us to run in: pastors, teachers, engineers, doctors, lawyers, athletes, nerds, star wars fans, star trek fans, etc. Anything you can possibly have to talk about can work to create an in-group and an out-group. This isn't necessarily a bad thing--we have our interests and want to talk to people about those things that are interesting--in fact it's one of the quickest ways to form a community of sorts. The issue I have is when the spouse, or out-group member of any sort, gets pulled to social gatherings where there is no opportunity for them to participate in the in-group.

I don't need you to talk for me.

I don't need you to answer questions for me.

I can stand on my own.

I can keep up with their theological discourse... if I want to.

It's just a matter of being offered the chance, which seems to be something that I'm not very good at creating or being offered. My wife knows that I have theological chops, and can keep pace with most of those out there. I mean I've been toying with the idea of being a pastor myself for over 10 years now, so I got the power. However, the issue becomes how does one go about breaking into that in-group? I have no idea, and my wife doesn't really know how to open the door for me either. That's one of the issues with my personality: it's starts cold and takes a minute to warm up. I don't do well with quick/impersonal interactions with people. It takes me a little while to get to the point where I can freely converse with people, but it's a two-way street.

I can talk for myself.

I have ideas, opinions and thoughts to share.

I can keep pace with your conversation.

That's not the core...

So, with all of the people said, I feel myself slipping away from the original intent of this piece, which was this:

As much as I want this to be about me figuring out what it means to be, what it's like to be, and how to handle being a pastor's husband. It's deeper than that; It's more complicated that that; It's really about how to be a good husband first and then worrying about the pastoral stuff later. It's about living life together with my wife in a way that creates love, shows love, and supports both of our discerned paths through this life (together and apart). This, my friends and readers, is what is at the core of this.

Now, the question still remains, though, what do I do with this blog? I think, for now I'm going to keep posting things such as this: new insights, challenges, questions, concerns and responses to those of you who wish to engage me in conversation (if you want). It's all connected to the same end game, plus it's my blog so I can create space for anything. As long as it connects back to being a pastor's husband in some fashion, I do not foresee any real issues... not that it would bother me anyway.

Moving on.

In other news, my wife's journey keeps getting more complicated and I can't really help her out any. Here's the latest, just in case you haven't been paying attention to the Facebook or ask us how we're doing on the regular (you know who you are!):

1. She has talked to the office a few times, trying to ascertain what she can do in order to secure a job.
2. She has talked to the coordinator of the region, trying to ascertain what she can do in order to secure a job.
3. She has two interviews set-up for this upcoming week (Monday & Friday)
4. She has to finish these interviews before the coordinator can release her name to the larger region, rather than the specific synod (granted one of these churches doesn't snag her up [which would be the smart thing]).
5. I have updated my teacher application: new resume, cover letter, reference letters etc.
6. I have put a pause on my reading goal for the year (hovering at just over 100 read so far).
7. I have left my position on the maintenance team at the school.
8. I am righting the blog ship as you read this very line.
9. We have moved out of the campus house that was ours for the past 5.5 months (give or take a few days).
10. We have moved in with my parents for the time being (I don't know what my life would be without them--wait, yes I do, nothing!)
11. We are quickly losing hope that the synod that we have been assigned to has jobs for us.
12. We are holding out hope that everybody who has prophesied good things for our life were mainlining God and can see that the light at the end of this tunnel is not a train.

So, we have been busy with all sorts of things, but the journey continues. We're hoping for a good result for one of these interview, but at the same time if the past has been any indication it doesn't look good. Beyond that, our hope lies in the region, but if that fails us (which it shouldn't) we are looking at going through re-assignment in September, which will mean she goes back to square one and gets replaced in a region and then synod all over again. We are aware that the system works, but like all system there are spots where a lot of overhauling could be done.

I'm not a super positive person by nurture, and some nature, so there is no telling what I might be thinking about this stuff in an hour, let alone in a week. I will keep you all apprised with what happens, especially if it's good. However, like stated above, our track record with this synod hasn't been very good and we're not holding a lot of hope that these 2 interviews will be any different.

So, with all of that being said...

Thank-you.

Sincerely,
A [Future] Pastor's Husband