Hey you!
It's been a while, again!
I know I've been dropping the ball as of late, but if you do the math I'm technically right on track. I had 2 posts 2 weeks ago; missed last Sunday; and here I am again. It all works out in the end, besides nobody was harping me to get something done, so I've been in "vacation mode" for the past few days. It needs to end though, I don't do vacation's well and it's starting to ware on me. However, that's neither here nor there.
Since the last time I wrote something, not a lot has happened in terms of life progressing; at least nothing that I can really talk about yet. It's one of those things, where I am sworn to official secrecy until things are completely set in stone--right now their just kind of hovering above the ground ready to be set. So, what's the point?
I can't update you.
I don't really have anything new to say.
I'm ready for new adventures.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family to death, but I don't want to be a burden on them; nor do I really want to be living my life under their roof at 29 years old. We're making do; we're having fun; we're relaxing; we're doing all the things one might do on a vacation. I've been keeping up with my reading challenge, which was touch and go there for a while. I sit around the house, go to the grocery store for my mom, and I let the dog out.
Welcome to my life!
The time is coming, though, when we will begin new adventures. I can't say for sure when, where, how or anything really, but know that there is news hovering just beyond our horizon. The reason I can't say anything is because something could go wrong between now and then; and apparently the whole church is sworn to secrecy until official announcements are made. It's really bizarre that when something good happens on your journey you can't tell people; those who care about us, and are keeping tabs on us want to know what's happening. Whatever. I'll follow the rules as best I can, but am willing to divulge details in private, if you really want to know!
In other news...
I'm really at a loss right now. I wanted this to be powerful and moving; or at least on par with all the others, but there isn't really anything to say. I've come up against a wall of sorts and have really stalled out in life. I want to read and research other theological perspectives, specifically those representing people of color; I want to finish up my reading challenge for the year (200 books); I want to move on with life and find a job; I want to get out from under my parents' feet again; I want to be more physically active; and the list really goes on for a long time. Have I accomplished anything? Not really.
I've read some books (several trips to the local library have helped).
I have a Desmond Tutu book sitting on the table, waiting to be read.
I have the good news floating about there that can't really be grasped (this is where the new adventures are).
I went on a walk once, which took me to the library.
So, really this has been a time of sloth, both mental and physical. Some would say that this is important every once and a while, to take a step back and regroup. However, for me I can deal with like 2 days and then I need to get back in the game, but it's been just over 2 weeks and I'm losing my mind.
I don't do vacation very well, and it's a problem.
Oh, but wait, there is something important to tell you! We've officially been married for 6 months and 1 day as of this post! We're nowhere near done with our journey, but we have weathered a lot of stormy weather so far, and there is probably a lot more to come, bu we're doing it! As a result of this adventure, I have to say that it has been hard! We have crammed so many transitions, tough decisions, questions, answers, fights, settlements, arguments, and life into the first 6 months of our marriage that the first year will, hopefully, be the hardest one. Once we get settled into for that initial call 3-5 years, we will, hopefully, have a firmer grasp on how we want to live life together--probably not, but hopefully!
Granted, the next 6 months will be full of more transitions, settlements, arguments, and much of the same. This is because it's going to look a lot like the first 6 months, except we'll be doing everything as a team this time. At first she was at the school, living in her house, supported by her friends/family, and then I joined the party and we had to figured out how I fit into her system (see previous posts for more details). However, now we're in it together: we'll be moving to a new city; we'll be working in new a new city; she'll be a pastor, and I'll probably be a substitute teacher, unless I can get a full time gig; we'll be searching for housing together; we'll be settling in; we'll be starting our life together-together for the first time.
It's going to be crazy, but in the end this is what we have been working towards. It's just that you always feel prepared until the time comes to do the work. It's like you get "life jitters" every time a new decision has to be made, and it's scary. The other thing that scares me too is that I'm not going to fit in with the new life that will be my wife's vocation. I've only been with her as a student, and there for a time she was an intern at a camp, but never as a gainfully employed person living out her calling in the world. Am I qualified to support her? Am I capable of supporting her? Am I capable of living my calling in the world along side her doing the same? Am I really supposed to be a teacher? Am I supposed to be doing something else? What am I doing? There are so many questions that remain unanswered, because there's no way to know for sure until the rubber hits the road and we start the next phase of our life.
I have toyed with doing other things with my life: local meat shop owner, bus/van minister, pastor, teacher, writer, spoken word artist, and sometimes even father. Now, there is nothing to say that all of these things have to operate independently of each other. I am writing right now, applying for teacher positions in a community school, have done performance poetry before, and so I've hit a lot of these, just not at the same exact time. I think this is the power in the idea of being multi-vocational too. I don't have to just be anything, I can be whatever I want as long as I feel called to do it. I just need to actually apply myself to those things that are most important to me... which is the thing I got from a book I started yesterday and quit. It isn't about needing more time, it's about using our time more wisely for the important things--being busy doesn't mean we're being godly.
Now that I've moved away from anything really meaningful--although I think there is something forming just below the surface. There are so many things I want to say; things I feel I need to say; but fear that this isn't the proper place. Even though this is my blog, and like I've said before everything that I write about has to do with my life, and I'm becoming a pastor's husband. Nonetheless, I have not yet found the line in the sand as far as content goes. There is another blog I have that has been fore more theological/god stuff, but I don't know... we'll see what happens.
Let us pray:
Most gracious heavenly host. Thank-you for the time you have provided us on this planet. Each day is really something to be treasured, since we know not when our time will run out. So, I come to you this evening for a booster shot. It is times like these where I feel I could use a little pick-me-up: I feel tired, unmotivated, and lost in the world and could use your help. There are so many things going on in the world that it is a real struggle to even start doing your work in the world. I don't know where to start, so I just sit idly by and watch as thing slowly slip by. Give me that boost, that shot of energy, to pick my cross back up and continue the march toward glory. I need you!
Sincerely,
A [Future] Pastor's Husband
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