Moving Over the Shallows // Don't Get Trapped

Good morning, afternoon, evening, night.

Hello.

It is my hope that the bar has not been set too high for these rants, raves, and otherwise nondescript posts of mine, but nonetheless I have to keep writing. As a part of this challenge it is my goal to write once a week, regardless if there is something provocative or meaningful to say. This is because our day to day functions, operations and thoughts are really what make us us. Yes, we may have a super epiphany every once and a while, but those are rare, and so we are left with our "mundane existences," that are often overlooked and thought to be less than useful. However, there are times where I feel like it is my every day life that people miss out on some of my true essence. I have been through a lot of things this past week, and most of it has nothing to do with my journey toward becoming a pastor's husband. It's about life, and how I live it, and how I live with my wife, and how I love with others in the community.

It's pretty straightforward really: we need people to survive. We rely on others in order to make our lives complete and worth living in the first place. Some of us choose, or whatever, to get married; some of us join fraternities/sororities of like-minded people; some us go to church and worship; some of us join clubs, gangs, and other social networks; all for a sense of belonging and to fulfill the unending need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Regardless of religion, social status or musical interests we all need people to interact with. This is at times the hardest part of life for me; I don't like to need people; and I don't like the fact that I know that I need people in order to maintain my being. At the very same time though, I miss people; I miss my previous communities; I miss knowing that there was a group of people who's interest in me and my well being was more than passive, but not necessarily active. It's weird to think about, but there was a time in my life when I lived with 5 other people (all women; my wife being one of those) and we all worked together to for a bond--a community in a house and beyond. I miss that...

Now that I'm married people will start to talk like your spouse is supposed to be your life, your all, your everything. This is true, to an extent. However, your spouse is only one person, and as a single person there is only so much that they can do for you or with you. I feel as if this notion that once you get married your life turns entirely toward the person who has joined you is a social trap that is well worth avoiding. I can't say with any level of certainty that I know of people who have fallen into this trap, but there has to be at least one person out there--otherwise there wouldn't be so many crazy marriage stories turning to serial killer type scenarios; no more Lifetime movies if this didn't happen! Nonetheless, I get a little scared when I isolate myself in the house with only my wife to hang out with; only my wife to take trips with; only my wife is around when I get home from work. It's strange.

I'm not really that outwardly social, but I do like to do stuff, which is a bit of a struggle for me. I'm not very good at navigating the initiation of social activities. I have thought to myself, quite a few times, that I really don't know how grown-ups are supposed to initiate social happenings. It's always baffled me, because as children we would ask our parents, then talk to our friends telling them that our parents said it was okay, then they asked their parents, and it generally all worked out for the best. However, as an adult, there are not 3rd party support teams to interrupt our social gatherings. We have to do the work ourselves, but the question remains how does one do that? I have thought it weird to just swing by somebody's house to see if they wanted to do something; but with the technological boom of the past few years we don't really have to talk to anybody in order to figure out things. It's all really bizarre to me, especially considering I've never really been that social in the first place.

Now, where am I going with this?

I'm not sure.

There wasn't really anything specific that I had in mind for this post, so I just started freelancing and here we are. I do feel as if there are thoughts in that first wave worth thinking about a little more, especially as we transition to new communities, new life, and new beginnings. Every new stop on one's journey is an opportunity to make changes, enhance old habits, and even reinvent ourselves. What would I change, what would I like to do differently? I'm not sure. However, my hope is that as soon as my wife takes the next step on her journey, there will be opportunities for me to explore new areas of life and meet new people who will get me to new levels of life.

In other news...

• I started working at the school as a part of the maintenance/custodial crew on Tuesday of this week.
• My wife has an interview tomorrow for another possible call opportunity.
• We have started packing our house, in preparation to move out--hopefully to her first call, but we have back-up plans forming too.
• I invited my wife to take a trip with my yesterday to a semi-local town where we had an awesome lunch and purchased several (10) different, new, types of Root Beer to try.

I think that's about it. I really apologize for those of you who had high hopes for reading something earth shattering and deep each week. Sometimes the spirit moves in the deep end, and other times it likes to hang out in the shallows--it's just up to us what we do with it. Since this post is kind of random and seemingly uninspired I may try to write another sometime this week, possibly a reflection the interview or maybe something will come to mind later today. Again, sometime the spirit moves in the deep end, others the shallows. The spirit has moved and I followed this time, just like the rest.

May these words be meaningful to somebody, sometime. I know my words are not always meant for the here and now, and so may these words find the eyes that need them at the time of power.

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,
A [Future] Pastor's Husband