Thursday Devotion: Matthew 24:36-44

A reading from Matthew, the 24th Chapter:

³⁶ “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,^[a] but only the Father. ³⁷ As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ³⁸ For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; ³⁹ and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ⁴⁰ Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. ⁴¹ Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.
⁴² “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. ⁴³ But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁴ So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.

***

Wake up!

Rise up!

We are not done yet!

There is still work to be done!

Just like in the days of Noah, people were sitting around--resting on their morels--having a good time and they were caught off guard when the waters rose to take them away. They were unprepared for the full revelation of God, and were swept up in the waters of the flood... or were they the ones on the boat?

This passage is really unclear as to which people are being taken away, is it those who are worthy to be saved from the coming flood, or are they the ones who need to be purified by the spirit.

Nobody knows, but the father.
Nobody knows who wins.
Nobody knows who loses.
Nobody knows, but the father!

Therefore keep watch my friends, because you do not want to be caught off guard. Be prepared for the coming of the Lord, because we know not the day or time that the moment will come. Until then, I beseech to you continue living the gospel, sharing the gospel, and being vigilant in the work that God has presented you with, because the end could be near... we don't know.

Wake up!
Rise up!
We have work to do!

Until God returns we still have time to do the work. So, let us not be caught sitting around, drinking, having a good time, while there is still work to be done.

2 were in the field, and the one that got taken wasn't doing his job... he got cut from the team! Don't be that one, be the one who fulfills God's purpose!

Let us pray:

Most gracious God. You are the only one who knows when we will be called home, but until that time we pray that you provide us with the strength and will to keep doing the work you have called us to. Spreading the good news that Jesus lived, died and was risen from the dead on our behalf. Provide us with the creative spirit to spread this good news wherever we go. It is through this free gift that we are freed to truly live for and through you. We ask that you sustain us so that we may point back to you. We'd much rather not be on the losing team, and swept away by the great movement of your spirit. So, be with us, guide us and protect us as we move forward according to your will. Amen.

My Dreams Over Your Dreams // Talking the Talk

Happy Christ the King Sunday!

I know, I know. What does that mean? I don't really know, but from what I understand is that it marks the final Sunday of the church year. This upcoming week/Sunday marks the beginning of the season of Advent--the season of anticipation, of waiting, or Christmas for those of you who are more into high holidays.

Yes, Christmas is now 5 Sundays away. Are you ready? Yeah, me either. However, this week is Thanksgiving and so the holiday season begins.

This will be the first holiday season as a married man. First Christmas. First Thanksgiving. First New Year's Eve. Leading up to the first anniversary of marriage. It's hard to believe that it's almost been a year already. However, now is not the time to reflect on anniversaries and such. There are still more Sundays to come for which it would be more appropriate. Although, the focus of my thoughts of the past couple of days have tied nicely into the idea of being married.

What does it mean?
Who does it benefit?
Who should benefit?
What did I get myself into?

For those of you who have been reading here for the past little while will know that I've been actively discerning what I perceive as a call to ordained ministry. I feel a pull on my heart to be a pastor of my own church. However, this process hasn't been easy and it grows more complicated as the days grow shorter and the darkness descends sooner. I've been journaling as best I can, praying with scripture--both as described by a spiritual director--and it's been good. I have talked to a few admissions people at various schools, planned a visit to one of those schools, and anxiously await the time when there might be a clear indication of what I'm supposed to be doing.

However, as I talking to my wife last night it seems like a lot of the reasons for not pursuing more education and a new career trajectory have been pushed aside as non-issues.

Yes, it will cost money but there are all sorts of scholarships and financial routes to gain assistance. Yes, it will take time, but I have time to work it out on my own time, because you can go as slow as you need (up to 10 years, give or take).
Yes, it will take some strategic maneuvering for the internships and other real-world application pieces.

No, we won't have to move to a new place until we're good and ready to relocate.
No, there isn't a rush for me to figure anything out.
No, I am not giving up on other avenues of revenue or career.
No, my wife doesn't think I'm crazy, but my parents probably will once I talk to them.

However, even with all of this starting to clear up there was a piece that I hadn't yet focused on. Everything up until now has been what do I want to do, what do I feel called to do, what do I need to figure out in order to really say for sure what is right to do right now. What about my wife? What about us? What about our relationship?

Again, it isn't that I had blatantly overlooked her, because she is such an active part in my discernment process--whether she likes it or not I rely on her as a sounding board for all of the craziness that gets rattling around in my brain, but I hadn't yet asked her what she wanted from me. From this. From anything. This is where a new area of discernment and discovery needs to take place.

What I do with my life effects her life too. If I become a pastor there are implications. If I become a full time teacher, there are implications. Of course I know this because like all intelligent people I was raised with the properties of nature at the forefront of my education (for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction). Now this doesn't necessarily have direct connections to this situation, but for every choice we make there are consequences. I wasn't aware of some of her feelings about the potential outcomes of this process because I hadn't asked her. I had only asked her in a round about way if she thought it was a possibility for me to be a pastor--yes it's possible, but does she want me to pursue such work? That's something a lot harder to breech, and to have an honest conversation about.

We started down that conversational path last night. It wasn't easy and it isn't over. I now realize that there are far bigger concerns than whether or not it is the right choice for me. The question is really, is it the right choice for us? At this point, I don't know. Each of us has dreams, concerns, wants and needs that seek to be fulfilled, and it is not right for either of us to intentionally squash the dreams of the other. However, how do we both realize our dreams without stepping on those of the other? It's more complicated than I thought, even though we have only started conversing about it.

In the end, we have just started walking down this path. It is my intention to keep moving forward with the process, but, now, being more mindful and intentional about conversing with my wife. It is not just the calling on my life that matters; she has a calling on her life as well, which needs to be uplifted and protected as well. I have been running away from my potential calling, while she has actively pursued hers. So, does this mean that I should continue to skating around this thing that is pulling me, or what?

The answer to that is really no, but we shall see what comes in the days that follow now that we have started up a new piece of conversation. Plus, as we finalize our plans to head east to visit a school, together, we will have time to discuss the implications of a new future. Our future. The future that awaits us... together, the only way that we will conqueror this world.

Sincerely,
A Pastor's Husband

Thursday Devotion: Colossians 1:11-20

Stand strong my brothers and sisters.

Be bold in your faith friends and neighbors.

These may be hard times for our country, for our loved ones or even ourselves. The holiday season is quickly approaching, and this is generally the time of the year when people start having a hard time: remembering loved ones who have past, seeing loved ones for the firs time, reliving old drams and reopening old scars. However, there is hope. Just you wait.

Along with the holiday season, the church is entering the time of Advent, which is the time of waiting, of anticipation, of joyous proclamation of the times to come. What am I talking about? The birth of the savior. Advent is the time where the world prepares for the arrival of the messiah, which is the beginning of the good news.

The rest of the good news is that the messiah grew up, died and rose again for us! With this came the many gifts: strength, compassion, a community, and above all else a love that surpasses all understanding. No matter what we're going through, are looking down, or feel like God is with us and is always showing up for us.

Let this passage be a reminder of the bigness of God. Let it be a reminder of how much God cares for us and all that God is willing to do for us, with us and through us. God has us in his hands, which means nothing can overcome us--no wind, sea or storm shall pull us under. God shows up and protects us through it all.

Stand strong.
Be bold.
Pray hard.
Know that God is with you, for you and by you!

Colossians 1:11-20 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

11 May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light. 13 He has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; 16 for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers—all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He himself is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything. 19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross.

Tuesday, Not Sunday // Nothing New Under the Sun

I realize that it's Tuesday and not Sunday.

For this I do not apologize.

I realize that I'm late in posting a new blog, but it is what it is.

Some of the reason behind my lack of productivity are the following:

1. I have come down ill as of Saturday.
2. My wife and I have been busy doing house stuff, work stuff and life stuff.
3. I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch reading.
4. I went to church and felt really crummy all day Sunday.
5. I have been feeling apathetic towards this project lately.

Really, other than being sick and apathetic, there is no good reason on that list as to why I couldn't have typed up a few lines on Sunday evening and posted them. So, let's explore the apathy a little bit. What's been going on in my life that has me feeling this way, you're probably wondering. Well, let me tell you about that!

As a part of my spiritual direction journey, I have been challenged to pray using a piece of writing from Isaiah, come up with a pointed discernment question, and journal how I am doing in dealing with both of these. I've been doing that for about a week now and have been journaling every other day (so not that much). However, while doing this I realized that this is about the time when I start to lose hope in projects and let things slip. Case in point, I missed a journaling session as well as a blog post session. Now, this is not in direct relation to apathy, however it was mentioned in one of my journals. I tend to go hard at a goal and then hit a wall and quit. I've seen this pattern over and over again, especially with my writing. I will commit to a project for a period of time and then lose the muse, so to speak. When things get boring in my head, or I "run out of ideas," I just stop writing. This blog is no different. I don't feel as if I have gained any new insights into the world of being a pastor's husband, my discernment journey is kind of in a holding pattern, and I don't want to write that over and over again for you to read. I do not feel as if my random rants are worthwhile material for you to view on a weekly basis.

I'm frustrated that things aren't more clearly defined for me. I wish there was an end in sight, so that I knew that time I was putting in was getting me somewhere I needed to be... no such luck, yet. However, I am getting exciting about our trip to Philadelphia. We're going to spend some time at the seminary out there, and then have some time to see the sights. For some reason I'm feeling really good about the visit, but that usually means something bad will happen: the wife and I will fight, the school will be awful, or some other unforeseen happening will occur and ruin the trip. God willing it will go smoothly and I will have gained useful insight into a potential next step. Additionally, I have been in contact with the synod office about the candidacy process and was provided a 116 page document outlining everything that goes into it--a lot of hoops, a lot of jumping, and a lot of paper work. Pretty exciting stuff--can't wait to get my hands on all of that.

***

One piece of pastoral husband being that has been popping up more frequently in the past week, or so, is the assumption that I want to be involved in church happenings. Now, let me clarify. I am more than willing to help out with whatever needs to be done: cooking, cleaning, youth events, hang-outs, craft making, quilt sewing, visits, you name it I'm there. However, I like to be asked. My wife has been gracious enough to remind her church council of this. In fact, as I was preparing to eat dinner the lady in question called to ask me if I would be willing to help with a technological project at the church. Of course I said yes, but it was nice to be asked--even though my wife all but volunteered me to help anyway!

However, there was a moment this past Saturday when I was helping at the first attempt at a youth event, when I was asked how they could make it better. Naturally I said, "I don't know." Even though all last week I was hounding my wife with ways that they should have handled it. I felt a little guilty, but in experiencing how the conversations went in that circle of parishioners it was best for me to hold my tongue than potentially be there all day defending my views or being suckered into doing more work than I am willing to do at this point. Keep in mind, that this was the same church that when asked what they expected of me that they just wanted to see me around. However, I feel like the more they see me around the more they're going to want me to do things. This is a very dangerous path to traverse, especially when your wife is the pastor. She has the power to put your name on things and then conveniently forget to tell you about it until a few days out.

Luckily, this hasn't happened yet, and with luck on my side she will remember the art of asking as well. Who knows, but I'm trying to consult the church through my wife which isn't always the easiest thing to do, because it gets muddied and interpreted via multiple sets of ears. However, at this time I'm trying to figure out my own stuff. It has occurred to me that being involved with the church happenings is good for the process, but I'm not sold on that idea yet. We'll see what comes of this new project, and go from there. Oh, I have read during service once (slated for this upcoming Sunday as well) and got good reviews. So, there's that too.

I'm waiting to hear when I can preach at the church. We're shooting for sometime after the upcoming season--somewhere between Advent/Christmas and Easter, or ordinary time. That way it isn't during a high holiday in the church world. I'm kind of excited about the idea, but we'll see what happens in the months to come. Who knows, they might not like me that much after all.

Thanks for reading and as always reach out if there is anything I can do for you!

Sincerely,

A Pastor's Husband

P.S. I'm gearing up for a creative writing exposition throughout the month of December, so be looking for that in the weeks to come!

Thursday Devotion: Luke 21:5-19

Stand strong.

Stand tall.

Know that Jesus has your back!

Things may look dreary now. There may be times when we lose sight of the light that flashes at the end of the tunnel, but rest assured that the light is everlasting--it hasn't moved, it still shines, beckoning us forward! We have a promise from God in the death and resurrection that cannot be taken away from us. So, stand fast my friends. Times may be troublesome now, but we can rest on God's word that all will be taken care of; all things will work out in our favor for the Lord is with us.

Together we can hold fast to these promises.

Together we can overcome the short-lived problems of our day.

Together we will rise above the darkness of this world and inherit the kingdom.

Today, tomorrow, and 20 years from now the promises hold true. We were provided life through Christ that we might live freely in the world. It is our job to carry that message to the people. Make the world aware of the truth that has set us free. In the shadow of a tough day, a hard night, a turbulent life we can rest assured that Jesus is providing us with a foundation from which to thrive. There are no promises of an easy life, but we will be provided for... "not a hair will be harmed."

God's got us. Let us live like the free people we are, and allow that light to shine through us.

Luke 21:5-19 New International Version

⁵ Some of his disciples were remarking about how the temple was adorned with beautiful stones and with gifts dedicated to God. But Jesus said, ⁶ “As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down.”
⁷ “Teacher,” they asked, “when will these things happen? And what will be the sign that they are about to take place?”
⁸ He replied: “Watch out that you are not deceived. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am he,’ and, ‘The time is near.’ Do not follow them. ⁹ When you hear of wars and uprisings, do not be frightened. These things must happen first, but the end will not come right away.”
¹⁰ Then he said to them: “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. ¹¹ There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven.
¹² “But before all this, they will seize you and persecute you. They will hand you over to synagogues and put you in prison, and you will be brought before kings and governors, and all on account of my name. ¹³ And so you will bear testimony to me. ¹⁴ But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. ¹⁵ For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. ¹⁶ You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death. ¹⁷ Everyone will hate you because of me. ¹⁸ But not a hair of your head will perish. ¹⁹ Stand firm, and you will win life.

Go Hard for Jesus // Loving People Hard

Hello, hello, hello!

I realize that my consistency has been lacking over the past few weeks: timing, content and enthusiasm has been waning. I could make a million excuses about this, but I won't. I'll just let it be what it is, because that's a part of challenging yourself to be actively participating in the writing process while still figuring out life in a meaningful way. Such is life, right? We always find ourselves buying into too many avenues of exploration and wear ourselves out, we burn out and everything we have invested in suffers. That's not what's happening here, but it does happen more often than any of us would like to admit.

In fact, my wife and I were talking about this over our scrounged dinner this evening. It started as a misshaped conversation about me needing more active support and affirmation in my life (which you could provide if you like), but quickly revolved to what she needs to do to revitalize her congregation. Nonetheless, we are both aware that I get bored with stations of life every year or two, and how when that happens I like to move on to other things--change venues, change jobs, change life happenings. I tried to use this as a positive aspect of being a pastor, because as the seasons change in the church you can undertake new projects, new challenges, new everything. As people come and go from the congregation you can do new things. There are always seminars, meetings, conferences, or merely excuses to travel around the country to do things. Could this be a positive outlet for me? I don't know.

This was just a part of our conversation, the majority of it was my need/longing for a clear cut, "Yes." In my life I have always found that my friends and family passively support me in my ventures. They give me the "I could see you..." "You'd be good at..." or even "Sure... why not?" These have always been well-meaning, sincere outlooks on my life, they could see me being good at a lot of things, which is a positive affirmation in and of itself. There is all kinds of potential in my life, which is awesome!

I could be a great teacher.
I am a great teacher (more or less).
I could be a great youth minister.
I could be a pastor.
I could be a religion professor.
I could be a great father.
I could be a great husband.

The list of possible vocations and calls can stream on forever, but I'm not going to let it. Obviously! However, in all of these positive affirmations, there has never been a clearly stated, "You should do this." There hasn't been a "You need to do this." Never once was I told, "God wants you to be this." Now, this is a part of the struggle we call life. There are very few moments where we are told, we need to take a certain job, move to a certain city, or obtain a certain hobby for the betterment of the world. There are hints, whispers, pushes and pulls throughout life that make valiant attempts at guiding us to an effective spot for us to call home... at least for a while. In my time of discernment I'm not looking for the whisper or the gently pull. I want to see a giant florescent sign that says, "THIS IS THE PLACE!" Clearly illuminated path with a wide open door that says, "Welcome home, we're glad you made it!"

As unlikely as all of these things are, a guy can still hope, dream and seek. That's where I find myself right now. Still hoping, dreaming and seeking the path that will lead me to a new pasture where I can finally feel comfortable for at least a while. Where, I can settle into a groove that won't stagnate. I can throw down roots and feel nourished for the long term. Where my wife and I can both be a part of a community that needs both of our unique approaches to life.

Something I have started to realize is just how different my wife and I are. It's one of those things that you know going through life--no two people are the same. However, if you don't take the time to really look and take note you just passively walk by without growing to appreciate the differences. For instance, here are some of things that I've begun to notice... (my interpretations of situations, may or may not be accurate depictions of how she sees us)

• She loves Jesus in a personal way, and conveys this in her demeanor and sermons with a personal passion toward the congregation. I referred to her as an "Octogenarian Whisperer" in conversation tonight because she has a way of talking to the elderly (and everybody else) in a way that makes them feel comfortable with the message she is sending--for better or worse.
• I love Jesus as an enigma that needs to be figured out. My faith is full of academic study, theological, jargon filled discourse, and a lot of circle talk and disenfranchisement. However, at the core of my system I am still seeking to understand what it all means, as we all are. At the same time I tend to hide behind the academics rather than loving people. I love a good book on what the bible means, but not necessarily dealing with that the bible means to me or you or our neighbor.  

Now, this seems kind of odd. However, I do not feel like expounding on this at this particular moment. I'm dealing with a lot of discovery and trying to make moves to find that affirmative YES, all the while trying to figure out how to love my wife more, and better. She is living her calling, while I'm still trying to figure out mine, while still putting all I can into the kids I get to work with on a daily basis.

Every chance we get to pour love into the lives of others, we should. I get to see 20-30 different faces every day of my workweek (sometimes more if I'm lucky enough to sub for an art or music teacher). Yes, there are some children who make my day really hard to get through, while there are other children who are awesome to work with and would be awesome to have in a real classroom.

They all need love.
They all deserve love.
They are all worthy of love.
They are all seeking love.

That's my calling right now. To be a source of love in the world, and I need to be okay with that while I discern what may come next. I need to be satisfied knowing that every day while at these schools I am able to show the love of God to new people, I get to be the light in the darkness, I get to do what my wife gets to do, just in a different context. Our mission fields are the same, it's just I'm in a different set of buildings and don't get paid nearly as much. This I think is what I've been missing over the past few weeks/months. I get frustrated with the work that I get to do in the community, and lose focus on the purpose of all of the work we do collectively. Each of us is a missionary for God, we just have different fields--some are called to work retail and witness to whose who come through their check-out line, while others are clergy people leading congregations. We may all be different parts of the body, but we have a central mission and different ways to come at it.

In closing. I have been revisiting some personal testimonies and speeches by some christian artists that I'm a fan of, in addition to the stories and promptings from the seminar I went to last week, and the theme that I've been hearing is this, "Go hard for Jesus."

Total abandon.
Total submission.
Total investment.
Go hard.

We often get comfortable in our places in life, and we lose sight of the work that has been set before us. Somebody else will do it. That's not my area of expertise. That's not my passion. That's not an excuse. We have work to do, and we are called to do work. Go hard for Jesus is something that I've been thinking about and rolling around my mind for the past few days, but I'm not sure where it's going to land yet. I just wanted to throw that out there... just in case. You never know what might find its way into the minds and hearts of people for the better if you never put them out there. So, my challenge to myself and you is to find a way to do a little more, work a little harder, change trajectory in the days to come so that we are aimed more at the heart of Jesus rather than the heart of the world.

Thank-you!

Sincerely,
A Pastor's Husband

P.S. If you need anything, reach out to me and I will do everything in my power to assist in any way I can. (Facebook: @gbullministries; Twitter: @GBullRevolution; Comment below)

P.S.S. I'm working on a new writing project for the month of December--unrelated to this or any other writing project, so be on the lookout for that! If you want to contribute let me know and I'll give you more information.

P.S.S.S. Please feel free to share links to anything seen here or elsewhere. The further this goes, the more people we can help!

Thursday Devotion: Luke 20:27-38

Now: We have life.
Then: We have life abundant.

Now: We are alive.
Then: We truly live.

Now: We have friends and family.
Then: We are friends and family.

Now: We know Jesus.
Then: We KNOW Jesus.

There will come a time in everybody's life when there is no more life to live--we die. It is the circle of life, and we're all on it--no escape. However, the question that we often ask ourselves is what happens then? What comes next? Now, depending on who you ask, you'll get a lot of different answers: reincarnation in the east, spiritual possession/haunting from the science fiction, or maybe food for worms from the non-religious/atheistic crowd.

Unfortunately, the Sadducees thought they were going to get one of these answers when they cornered Jesus and inquired about the resurrection. They presented a hypothetical, like we're all used to, but he didn't flinch. He reports to them that the life post-resurrection is nothing like this current life. There is nothing that compares, so you don't really need to worry about it. It will be so much greater than you can ever imagine.

Now, they were silent... they thought he had them trapped, but he answered their question without a blink of an eye. However, my question for you is this: Are you content with whatever comes next? Jesus says that it will be great, everybody is alive, that it is a huge party and everybody is invited. However, what if it isn't? It's the hypothetical returning again... What if there were no streets of gold? What if there weren't long lost friends and relatives waiting? What if it was just you and Jesus sitting in a room? Is that enough? Is that worth the journey? It should be...

Luke 20:27-38 New International Version

²⁷ Some of the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to Jesus with a question. ²⁸ “Teacher,” they said, “Moses wrote for us that if a man’s brother dies and leaves a wife but no children, the man must marry the widow and raise up offspring for his brother. ²⁹ Now there were seven brothers. The first one married a woman and died childless. ³⁰ The second ³¹ and then the third married her, and in the same way the seven died, leaving no children. ³² Finally, the woman died too. ³³ Now then, at the resurrection whose wife will she be, since the seven were married to her?”
³⁴ Jesus replied, “The people of this age marry and are given in marriage. ³⁵ But those who are considered worthy of taking part in the age to come and in the resurrection from the dead will neither marry nor be given in marriage, ³⁶ and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God’s children, since they are children of the resurrection. ³⁷ But in the account of the burning bush, even Moses showed that the dead rise, for he calls the Lord ‘the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’^{[a] 38} He is not the God of the dead, but of the living, for to him all are alive.”