Well, this is awkward. I really dropped the ball on writing devotions, updates and general productivity over the course of the Easter season. I took up some practices for Lent and let those fail too, imagine that. However, I have noticed that over the course of letting my practices slip, my level of enthusiasm and interest have dwindled as well.
I've been less excited about church.
I've been less excited about life.
I've been less... everything!
So, I wanted to get some of that excitement back, especially since my "Entrance Interview" is next week, which is one of the official steps toward me officially being a pastor (for real this time). May 5, at 11am I will be traveling up to the synod office to fill out some papers and meet with the nine member team that has the power to set me on my way toward something, or stop me cold in my tracks. There is a lot of optimism surrounding me, my wife is confident, my home congregation seems excited and I'm sure those of you who have been waiting for my blogging return are excited too. However, I'm not so sure. A lot of thoughts, questions and concerns have settled into my mind that has me questioning my path, which is where I come to you from tonight.
Within the next 4 years of my life, my time with my wife, my time in the city, my time with my family, there are so many things that could happen. There are so many things that should happen. There are so many things that I dream about being able to do. However, the question remains do I need to go through 4 years of school, which brings more debt to the table, in order to make any of those things happen? The answer remains an obscure no. I do not need to go to school again to do anything. There are plenty of people in the world who have accomplished amazing things with far less "formal education" than I have obtained already. So, what am I trying to prove?
To be honest, I don't want to prove anything, but I do want to see things change. As I have journeyed with my wife with her congregation, it is clear that there is a lot of work to do in the church, and ever since I started being affiliated with the church I have wanted to see that change, and help bring that change into being. However, again, does it take 4 years of school? Not really! So, what am I doing?
I'm going to seminary in order to develop the skills that will make my effort more valiant. I am going to seminary in order to build a network of support with like-minded and different-minded thinkers. I am going to seminary to learn new techniques for studying and applying the teachings of the Bible. I am going to seminary because it's what I feel I should have done a long time ago. I was thinking about seminary since 2005, however I did know that's what it was called at the time. I have been on this path for a long time now, and I would like to think that my lack of excitement with just that fact. I am stepping onto the path that I was supposed to be, so instead of being excited I am comfortable--even though there are still all of concerns listed above. So, what comes next?
I know Summer Greek is a real thing that is coming up very soon. In addition to that I wait to hear about my entrancing decision from the synod, and wait to hear conclusively what program path I will be walking down. There are a couple of different options, but it is a waiting game, so I'll just leave it at that for now. I may have talked about it in previous posts about this journey, but for now it's just about getting back into the flow of writing. It's been a church season since I last sat and wrote, so this is a good step in the right direction.
In other news I'm leading a team of a couple of people install a Little Free Pantry at the church, which has been fun. We should have it in the ground very, very soon and operational just after that. I also have other ideas for regaining our position as a community church, but I have to find a way to work it into all of the drama that is the church. You would think people would be open to ideas, but fear of outsiders is a very real thing and it kills the church community. There is no new life blood, there is no way to gain new insights into the community if we are not actively engaged with what is happening outside of our walls. We'll see what happens. I have ideas and my wife (the pastor) supports them. However, the need to not step on toes is a very real thing too. If I run in guns blazing with ideas I could alienate everybody who has been there forever and they won't like me anyway. However, in reality we were talking tonight, and it isn't about being friends and protecting our past. It is about living, preaching, and spreading the gospel which is all about loving our neighbors. So, can we just do that? Can we love our neighbors without leaving the safety of our fortress? Yes, we can, but we have to step outside of those walls. We have to escape our past and embrace the future that our church may look a little different. Might feel a little different. Might feel a little different. God is with us, and it will be okay.
This is step one. Welcome back into the fold. I hope to be better about this for a little while, and hopefully we can grow together and closer over the days that come.
Thank-you!
Sincerely,
A Pastor's Husband
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