Hey everybody.
Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, I'm still married. Yes, it's official, I am a pastor's husband--even got recognized at work the other day (more of that later).
I realize that it's been a while since we last spoke, which is totally on me. I have been trying my best to figure out how to be an adult, finding work, securing work, shedding tears, finding more work, cleaning, unpacking, arranging, rearranging, and piling up bills before we finally get settled. Being an adult is not as glamorous as they make it seem on TV. There have been moments where I've really just wanted to quit being an adult and find Neverland so I could revert back to being a kid again, and stay that way forever! However, until that day comes I am here, being an adult! Nonetheless, I'm not really here to give a full frontal update, merely to post something so that I can get back in the grove of allowing my fingers to flow over the keys and reconnect my mind and body for the spiritual practice of e-journaling if you will. We'll see.
What I am here for, though, is to share my failed attempt to becoming a public speaker at my Alma mater last month.
For those of you who aren't friends with my on Facebook, or look at Facebook, then you're probably lost right now. So, for those people, here is a little summary of what I'm talking about. My Alma matter was conducting a search for alumni to take the stage and deliver a presentation on a variety of different topics; I threw my proposal into the hat of names thinking I might have a shot; well, apparently, I did. I made it to the top 7 finalists of over 20 people. However, the challenge then was to video myself presenting the speech that I had written (after I actually wrote it that is). The process of recording it wasn't so bad, but I have a lot of gratitude for my friends who helped me proof it and make sure it had more potential than I was giving it. With all of that set in motion, I recorded me "giving the speech," was not as great of a performance as if I were to just stand up and give it to you live, which meant that I didn't make the top 4; didn't get to give my speech live; didn't get to talk to people about the process of discerning life's purpose.
Ultimately, it was there loss. They didn't take a chance on me, so I am giving you all the chance to read it for yourselves, without having to look at my face!
Without further ado.. after 3.5 editing sessions... a lot of love and respect for my friends... here is my speech!
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Good evening Grand View, my name is Andy Graves. I am an alumnus of this fine institution and
am honored to be able to come back to speak to you this evening. First, I feel
like we should get acquainted a little, especially since I will be asking you
to go on a journey with me—and we all know how awkward trips can be when you
don’t know the people going with. So, like I said, I am an alumnus of
Grand View, I graduated in 2010 with my bachelor’s in Religion and Human
Services. Since then I have been on a path of discernment, exploration, false
starts and success, which is life’s journey. A part of my personal journey has
been working to find a balance among the key aspects of my life: paying the
bills; growing spiritually; educating young people; being intentional with
friends and family; and dreaming about a better tomorrow. However, as soon as I
feel like I have found a good balance, something happens and throws it out of
alignment again.
I would start a new project with the young people, or a new
spiritual practice, and feel good about what I was doing. It was meaningful for
a time, but then that feeling would wane. I would feel stuck in a rut—same job,
same people, same everything, with no purpose or meaning. It was a never ending
cycle; a never ending pushing, pulling and prodding for my time. I wanted
reassurance that everything I was doing and every second I spent on something
was meaningful, However, I often found myself wondering: what’s the point? Why
am I doing this? Why am I even here? I felt lost in what I began calling the
hallway of life which is where our journey together begins.
Imagine, if you will, standing at the beginning of a long
hall of doors. Each door leads somewhere new--so many options, so little
guidance. But as you are standing there, voices are gently whispering words of
encouragement.
·
You can do anything you put your mind to!
·
If you can dream it, you can achieve it!
·
You can do all things through Christ, who strengthens you!
Over
and over again, the whispers support us, push us forward, and promote
action—move, do something, go for it. But all the while we are still asking
them how? What’s the purpose? What’s the point? They never answer. They’re
stuck on repeat and have no real insight. You’re stuck!
Gravity is holding on to your ankles, and your wish for the
stars is slowly dying in your heart! So, what do we do? What CAN we do? We were
given the opportunity to live a life, and deep down inside we want it to mean
something—to make a difference, change the world, or even catch all the
Pokémon. You name it; we can find a reason to believe that anything we set out
to accomplish has a purpose and provides us with a meaningful existence. But
how do we discern, discover, and own that purpose when we are constantly pushed
to act, to do, to achieve without a foundation to build on?
Unfortunately, there is no easy, one-size fits all answer to
this life dilemma. Some people turn to spiritual directors---seeking an
illuminated path toward a meaningful existence. While others leap blindly off
the cliff of life determined to land somewhere meaningful. As I have
contemplated this dilemma, I feel as if the entire process of discovery can be
boiled down to 3 steps:
1.
Take Chances
2.
Make Mistakes
3.
Get Messy
Now,
as much as I would like to take credit for coming up with these fine steps, I
cannot. In fact, I borrowed them from a series of children’s books, which has
been turned into both a TV show as well as a chapter book series. Some of you
may have heard of it. It’s called The Magic School Bus, and “take
chances, make mistakes, get messy,” is the calling card for the science teacher
in these books, Ms. Frizzle. If you’re not familiar with this series, that’s
okay. The important thing to know is the stories are about a science class that
has a magic bus that takes them on field trips to the ends of the earth and
beyond, for example, the circulatory system of the human body, ant colonies,
outer space, and prehistoric times. All the while, Ms. Frizzle pushes her
students—who are scared out of their minds about what might happen next—to make
each step meaningful by exclaiming her calling card each step of the way.
Just like Ms. Frizzle’s students, we are starting our trip
and have no idea what may happen next: where are we going, when it will end, or
if we are going to make it out alive? However, in spite of their fear, of our
fear, Ms. Frizzle offers us these three little quips that can serve as a firm
foundation in our exploration of what it takes to discern our purpose in life.
We’re all at different stages in life, looking down different hallways, seeing
different doors, which is to be expected; however, we can all use these quips,
these life steps, to figure out just how our lives may or may not be creating
the purpose we seek to embody in the world.
In order to discern the purpose derived from our lives, we
must first be engaged in something. We have to follow the words of wisdom
offered from the whispers mentioned earlier, and take a step forward; however,
for me this is often the hardest part. More often than not, the risk associated
with taking that step greatly outweighs any potential reward for the same act.
I feel as if this is why Ms. Frizzle leads with, “Take a Chance,” because we
will never be able to figure out what we’re supposed to do with our lives if we
don’t first try things out.
The question then becomes, “How do we know what we’re
supposed to do?” The paralysis that stems from too many options is a real
thing. It happens more often than I would like to admit. When faced with too
many options, I tend to seize up, instead of being bold and forging my own path
through the world. Unfortunately, I cannot foresee any way around this, there
are going to be times when life is going to get hard, and we’ll have to take
that difficult first step. In taking chances, I feel as if everybody has
different techniques for overcoming this fear. I am an analyzer while others of
you may be more impulsive. Regardless of technique, what matters is that we
take that first step. We leave the door jam, and see what the room has to
offer.
For instance, not too long ago I was considering a change of
life path which could have taken me from a full time job through two different
doors. One door to Drake University, an institute of higher education, and the
other to Teach for America, which is a national teacher corps who commit two years to teach
in under-resourced urban and rural public schools. Now, this
was not a decision that I took lightly because both would require a very large
commitment, require a lot of work, and both paths would ultimately end similarly:
a teaching license; a master’s degree; and real-world teaching experience. So,
what should I do? Should I go to Drake University? Should I go through Teach
for America? Or should I keep working my full time job? Three doors, three
options, one decision.
Needless to say the “choice paralysis” remained fully in
control of me. I become so wrapped up in the proverbial end game that I lost
sight of the immediate nature of the decision. In fact, the shift from long-term
to short-term awareness was what, ultimately, aided me in walking through the door
that led to Drake. Things such as family, friends, job opportunities, professional
relationships, and rooted community were all benefits of that choice. If I
would have taken the other door, ventured through Teach for America, I would
have had to uproot and move to North Carolina; teach science to middle school
students, all without a good sense of community—I would be alone and that
doesn’t work for me. In choosing to stay I was allowed to make more personal
choices and investments. I invested in my schooling, chose where to go and what
to study; invested in my colleagues; helped build up the community I was
already supporting, and freely explored the world of education. These are the
things that I want to do with my life. This, I feel, is the purpose of my life,
and attending Drake allowed me to continue to live that out.
But our choices don’t always lead to the most meaningful
ends. As we choose doors the goal is to always progress toward our dreams, and
aspirations, but sometimes life intervenes and pushes us off course. To this,
Ms. Frizzle would say, “That’s okay!” In fact she outright encourages us to
mess up—make mistakes. The question is why? Why would anybody encourage us to
make a mistake? Especially, when more often than not this goes against
everything we are taught. We need to make the right choice. We have to do the
right thing, and we cannot let people down. However, I agree with Ms. Frizzle, we
can learn just as much from choosing the “right” door as picking a less helpful
one.
It may not always feel like the right course of action,
sometimes it doesn’t for years. And generally speaking there comes a time in
everybody’s life when they begin to realize that the path they’re on is not
going to work out the way they thought it would: relationships, jobs, interests,
goals. It doesn’t matter what path you’re on. What matters is that it’s not
working out anymore. You’ve made a mistake, so what do you do about it? How can
you lead a meaningful life, a life full of purpose and drive if you’re on the
wrong path? Easy, you find it. Just like when we are gearing up to take that
first step, we look for the things that are going to make it meaningful. The
same is true with a mistake; we look back for the reasons we chose this path. Because
chances are, there were moments in time when things were going okay. There were
times when everything was clicking, and you thought you had it made, but for
whatever reason, it didn’t last. And
it's okay, there is another door waiting to be opened; and new opportunities to
be seized.
For instance, several years back, before I had a full time
job, I was in a program called the Lutheran Volunteer Corps. I was working in
Milwaukee, Wisconsin at a church. I was their youth and family minister, and it
was okay. I had studied religion in school, here at Grand View, and wanted to
explore that side of the work force—figure out what it was like to work in a
church and do ministry as a career. There were moments where the work I was
doing meant more to me than the people I was serving will ever know. But, halfway through the first year, I began to
question my purpose, even though I committed to serving a second year. I wondered
if I could power through that second year of the program even with that
diminished sense of purpose. As the year progressed, I started to realize that
I would have to make a brave decision and leave the ministry.
Needless to say, I created a difficult situation for myself
in backing out of the second year. Letters had to be written. Good-byes had to
be said. New jobs and housing had to be figured out, but in the end, I walked
through that door. Do I regret my decision to leave? Sometimes. However, I did
what I felt necessary for me to rediscover the purpose in my life; to find a
place where I felt truly called again. So, as I walked away from my family in
Milwaukee, I entered into a time of self-discovery and evaluation. I had to ask
the hard questions pertaining to my time there. What went well? What went
wrong? What am I going to do differently, and where am I headed now? All of
these things are a part of the process.
If we linger on the fact that we have messed up, there is
another sense of paralysis that takes hold of us. We cannot move forward
because we are so afraid of repeating the same mistakes over and over again,
which can happen. However, if we take the time to really stop, think, and
evaluate our experiences then we will be more powerful for the next phase. We
will be better prepared for what lies behind the next door we choose.
This is all a part of life: taking chances and inevitably
making mistakes. We open doors, walk through them, and experience what is
hidden there. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t, but what
ultimately matters the most is what we make of the situations we find ourselves
in. This is where Ms. Frizzle gets a little metaphysical. She challenges us to
reach beyond ourselves and truly experience what life has to offer. With her
third quip, she challenges us to get messy. She pushes us to see the choices
and the mistakes as a vital part of our journey toward a purposeful life, which
is a lot harder than it seems, mostly because we aren’t trained to enjoy the
journey. We are raised to appreciate completion.
As you may be aware, everything comes to an end: a work day,
a vacation, an awesome meal, a career, even a life is finite. However, we often
lose track of all of the work that went into creating each of those moments:
the struggle of the work day, the prep work for the meal, or even the
communities that we contributed to with our lives. It is so easy to check
things off the to-do list without appreciating all the things that really went
into it. I feel this is what Ms. Frizzle is pushing us to do.
We need to slow down and appreciate the choices, learn from
the mistakes, reflect on progress, and not lose sight of the details. As the adages
go: we need to stop and smell the roses; dig our toes into the sand; and take
the time to love a stranger. It is the little things in life that make it worth
remembering in the end. Appreciate the doors we opened by mistake. Laugh at the
moments when we were too scared to move. It’s all a part of who we are and that’s
important to remember. In preparing this section I had a flashback to the days
when I was just starting my faith journey—back in middle school. I can’t recall
the exact context, but there was a guest preacher one Sunday, and he asked the
question: How are you going to live your dash? You see, when we pass from this
plane of existence to whatever comes next, we will be forever immortalized by
two dates connected with a dash: 1987 – XXXX. All that we have accomplished,
left undone, all the smiles and tears are going to be encapsulated in that
dash. What are you going to put in that dash? Are you going to be a lover, comrade,
and leader? Are you going to be a self-reflecting mistake machine? Are you
going to enjoy the time that you have on this plane? I hope so.
It is my hope that we can all take the words of Ms. Frizzle
and make something magical happen in our lives and the lives of those around
us. It may not always be clear what purpose our lives are fulfilling in the
world, but you need to have faith that if done with love, it will be for the betterment
of all humankind. However, as much as we want to be able to track the ripples
that we create in life, we’ll hardly ever know where they end. However, that
cannot stop us. We have to continue to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy—which,
in and of itself, creates the opportunity to live a purposeful life. Thank you!
